A seven-day Acumen Media Report by Tonya Khoury. I was diving with sharks. Many people think this is nuts. It isn’t. As long as you dive with a real expert. The analogy is deep. This country is in dire need of an expert in these shark infested waters. We need to adjust, quickly, as this is not our territory, it’s theirs. I wouldn’t suggest we do it with an #AbsentPresident.
I’m Tonya Khoury, this is #ScratchTheSurface. Make sure you have enough air in your tank as it is a bit dark in the muddy media waters.
#ThaboBester. What do you make of this story? I’m confused about so many things. Firstly, why is it a story? People escape from prison all the time and we never see R1.4-million jets being flown around to make sure they are brought to justice. A personal friend, the man who taught me to dive, was shot and killed in a botched armed robbery, his murderer and accomplices escaped several times and I promise you, it never made mainstream media.
Why now? Why did the world stop for #ThaboBester? I’ll tell you why, an expert got involved, #GroundUp media made some serious noise about a story that defies belief. I have a bit of #BesterFatigue, to be honest, so here’s the short story. This rapist escaped from prison and left South Africa with his partner in crime, #DrNandipha. We heard all gory stories about how #Nandi buys dead bodies on a regular basis and that didn’t seem to surprise anyone in the legal system; apparently that happens, often. These two fugitives from the law were found in Tanzania; we sent a jet, picked them up and plonked them in front of the cameras as the court process kicked in.
South Africa lapped it up, like a shark on the sardine run; we consume this narrative with a primal hunger. There’s only one good thing that came out of this story, #GlynisBreytenbach. How much do we love this expert? My word, what on earth are the DA doing? They should have put #MaGlynis right in the front of the party and I promise South Africa would have its first female president. Madam Breytenbach slaughtered #BhekiCele and #G4S (the prison service tasked with moving Bester around). She unlocked her jaw and caused carnage like a bull shark with a vendetta. She was incredible. I think I speak for the whole country when I say, #WeWantGlynis. She’s the expert to lead us through this poor visibility, this darkness, where you can’t see what is in front of you deep in the twisted waters. We don’t need an #AbsentPresident.
When there is a massive story like this we have to consider, what other news dropped while you were not watching. There is a saying in PR circles: “Never waste a good crisis”. In other words, drop your bad news when the sharks are circling elsewhere. The obvious one is the #Guptas, as they’ve got off #ScottFree. If you are wondering, as was I, where the term ‘Scott Free’ originated, well allow me to help you out. It’s an old Norse word, skot, and an Old French word, escot, combined that was used during medieval times, when towns levied taxes in proportional shares for things like a poor fund. The tax was called a ‘scot’, and somebody who wriggled out of paying it got off ‘scot free’. How apt? #ScotFree and #Absent, a South African Story.
Back to the Guptas
Back to the Guptas, the UAE refused to extradite the Guptas; that means they are completely unaccountable, untouchable and unfazed, a bit like our electricity. This was announced in the same week that the leader of the UAE, Mohamed Bin Zayed, landed in Bisho in the Eastern Cape. Why in Bisho? He owns a game farm there, allegedly. He shipped in his sofas and tables, his medical fraternity and even built his own runway for his planes to land. Gross hey? Here we sit looted and the man at the other end of the planet makes decisions on our state captors. So basically, apart from a very sick #Agrizzi, the Zondo Commission was useless. Zuma, the Guptas and even the harbourer of the top criminals are all having a jol here in South Africa and abroad. What a joke. You keep your eye on Thabo Bester though. Never waste a good crisis.
There was a bunch of other stories you missed, they were all swimming below you but you couldn’t see for the Bester Chronicles. We’ll get to those in a moment. First though, the one big issue we will not be distracted by is our useless electricity facility, #Eskom.
Eskom, the dinosaur that should be extinct, the megladon with jaws so big that they will never tire of eating, moved us to #Stage8 and no one mentioned a thing; we are too scared, see? Too scared that this is so real we may not recover from it. I read somewhere that a country doesn’t degenerate on a certain date, it takes time, a long time. Ain’t that the truth. What was a slow spiral into the darkness has now moved faster than a R1.4-million jet ride as we scramble like sardines, huddled together, trying not to look like fodder and where is our fearless leader? Absent.
Dear Mr President, where are you? At least Trump showed us his disdain by appearing on a golf course or six, but you, you just are completely awol, a bit like Markus Jooste, who just didn’t turn up in German court. Are you noticing a trend? We are. Back to Eskom, this week, we heard that the President wants nothing to do with #DeRuyter’s allegations of Eskom’s mafia. He said that De Ruyter must go to the cops. A classic, “not my job” move. The one thing Cupcake did do was bring back a truckload of cash from his world tour. May I ask, who on earth is giving us money? Are they stupid, or complicit?
Slow journey to nothing
Remember I said, never waste a good crisis. Well, the Post Office went bust. I know, they were broke a long time ago, but again, this is a slow journey to nothing. Putin is on his way to South Africa. I wonder if he’ll build a runway too? A new SABC board was appointed after months of the organisation running without a leader. To be fair, the SABC team did a pretty good job while it was rudderless. Perhaps they should have just saved themselves a fortune, and their dignity and pressed on.
Then there was SA Tourism. Their board is to be dissolved after #LindiweMedusaSisulu was spurred out of the building. There was an Electoral Amendment Bill that basically says you can vote for an individual over a party. I like that – did you hear that ,Glynis? Glynis? Are you there? Please save us. This while #JumpingJohn Steenhuizen is talking about moonshot pacts. Another word to add to our political dictionary: basically it’s just joining coalition waters and swimming with all the sharks at once, until you’re the apex predator. That’s the plan folks, more coalitions and more fight for territory. It is wrong to compare this lot of scavengers to sharks. Sharks are smart, they know prey and are not interested in taking extras like divers, there is no collateral damage with sharks unlike with politicians. Oh, I almost forgot, BEE restrictions have been dropped on companies under 50 employees. That went straight past you right? Even me, I had to read the article twice to be sure.
There’s more, are you feeling seasick yet? Just watch the horizon. Not for a new dawn but so you can breathe. #Zuma was back in court and Dali-Filibustering-Mpofu was thrilled with yet another postponement. I spoke to a 40-year-old friend who said to me, “That case has been going on half my life”, and that wasn’t an exaggeration. Yet we can arrest Thabo Bester with a jet, in seconds. Madam Busi, the subject of our mid-week feature #ScrubbingTheRedCarpet, has had a pause in proceedings, so nothing new to see here. Keep scrolling, I’m watching it for you. Here’s what is swept #UnderTheRug, what’s happening with #Senzo’s trial? Ya, you forgot, hey? That was deliberate.
Talking about civil society
My words have run out and there is much still to cover. So, let’s start our ascent slowly to the surface. Duduzane Zuma launched his presidential campaign, Rosemary Ndlovu (that serial killer cop) saw her chommie and accomplice in court this week as the accomplice was nabbed for trying to get her husband killed for a little over a million rand. The #JSCInterviews are back, and they make boring viewing, you can skip those too, I’ve got your back. #RiseMzansi is a new political party. Derek Hanekom is now sitting at the helm of bankrupt/not bankrupt SAA. That basically means he’s on his way out. I don’t blame him, he’s a good man. He should join forces with civil society, that would be much better.
Talking of civil society and good people. The Kathrada Foundation and OUTA have joined hands, now we are talking, two brilliant organisations that will definitely be stronger together. Make sure to bring great investigative journalists, it is only due to them and the social media community that we find the truth behind the pod of lies. If you haven’t watched Al Jazeera’s #GoldMafia, do, you’ll feel better about our country, it’s not just us, the whole world is complicit.
A few more stories and I’m out. I can’t believe I’m writing about this, but there is an energy drink called Prime that is selling for over R500 a bottle. It’s nothing more than a competitor to say the likes of Monster or Red Bull except this – marketing. The same drink is selling in the USA for a couple of dollars but here in South Africa preposterous things are standard.
Across the stormy waters, #Sudan has descended into chaos as they fight for freedom. The #DalaiLama, how gross? How is he allowed to get away with what he did to that child in full view of cameras? In case you missed it, and I doubt you did, the Lama, after kissing a child on his forehead and then his lips, asked the boy to suck his tongue. I don’t make this stuff up. The spin began as we were told this is an ancient Tibetan custom for a grandparent to their grandchild when the kid asks for sweets. For those of you who still think what he did was okay, please remember he is not a grandfather to that boy, nor did the boy ask for sweets and that custom didn’t exist until we read it now online in the past week. Hiding in plain sight. Predators.
Finally, my surface stop, Mr Absent President, tomorrow is likely to be Eid in South Africa. Please can we have electricity to celebrate the end of a month of fasting, good deeds and charity? I bet Mohamed bin Zayed brought his own electricity. Sharing is caring, Sheikh!
I’m Tonya Khoury and you have scratched the surface, descended to depth and resurfaced with Acumen Media.
