“I am not afraid of dying, Sibiya is a criminal, Mchunu defeated the ends of justice.” That was a statement by Mkhwanazi about the heads of police in our country. This week has seen everything. Tupac’s music being used to describe this man’s #LastManStanding to, “Do you want to step outside?” brawls at the #AdhocCommittee. Mkhwanazi told Fadiel Adams that if they left in a room together, only one man would come out. #LastManStanding.
He comes across almost presidential, doesn’t he? Nhlanhla Mkhwanazi is the dream we have all been waiting for. An honest man, a no-nonsense man, a man who could very well lead our parliamentarians to the gallows, most of them anyway. A man who would fight to the end against enemies or adversity. Our very own #JohnWick.
That was mean, I like this oke, but I’m jaded, you see. I liked Ramaphoria because he spoke well and he used the right words. I think that’s why I’m left scratching my head. Is #Mkhwanazi too good to be true? I mean this oke spoke my language, he said there was far too many Lieutenant Generals because of a buddy buddy system of raising chommies through the ranks.
Shocked, again
He said the July riots were planned to the second and South Africa got duped. He said Feroz Khan is a crook, he said the President knew all along about the so called “big 5” gangsters but apparently tells everyone he is shocked.
He said the President should come and testify. He said that Cat is a small fish. All these “allegations” ring true with me. Did he really have the bottle to stand up in front of all South Africa and tell the truth? Please can he be #TheLastManStanding.
Flick channels and there was the #MadlangaCommission confirming everything #Mkhwanazi said. Sergeant Fannie #Nkosi testified for three days and he dropped files like a B52 bomber. After day one’s testimony, I didn’t think he would survive the night but he turned up for a second day, and then a third.
He introduced a new underworld figure to the sketch: Steve Motsumi. Nkosi was grilled about his involvement in kidnappings, attempted murders, dodgy tenders and organized crime. And while under gaze of the evidence leader he had to discuss that Tupac song, Last MF Breathing.
‘Licenced to kill’
Matthew Chaskalson, a Silk and a man of great stamina and capability, has led evidence throughout this commission and he does so with a mild manner and a little side smile. But this week Matt used the swear words to name that Tupac song and he relished it. It was funny to see.
What wasn’t funny was the reality that has now set in that #Sibiya and #Mchunu are both crooks, big crooks. And we are paying for them to languish at home while still reaping the profits of their ill-gotten gains.
I watched this punk as his WhatsApps were shared for the world to see’ this guy calls himself ‘Zero Tolarance’, but he doesn’t say what he will not tolerate (even if it’s spelled correctly). When asked why they call him 007, he said it was the Zero in Zero tolArance, that people called him double zero and then added a seven.
Later he admitted that he had actually watched a James Bond film and that the term 007 is often followed with “licenced to kill”. It was during these WhatsApp conversations that we learnt that Nkosi saves names in his phone the way most of us do with acquaintances. He saved the person’s name and preceded it with what they do in his world.
Is Juju over?
Like I would use: ‘Ayanda (Plumber)’, well he used ‘EFF Tender’ and other nomenclatures that gave the tender game away and with that, he implicated both Julius Malema and Kholofelo Morodi from ActionSA.
Guys I think Juju is over, man. Makes my heart sting but also makes my skin crawl. These politicians are so gross, they take from the poor and the old, they leave a R350 grant in exchange. ‘Tsek, man. Nkosi became the butt of many an online joke about how he was forwarding tenders like memes or that his chat was a tender hotline.
And just as he was building spcial media momentum. Matty told him that “You are not being truthful” and with that the internet went wild. It became the commission’s catchphrase and Matt became the human polygraph superhero. #LastManStanding
And then the other news: Real Housewives of Pretoria stars and well-known crooks Peet and Mel Viljoen not only took people’s money under a franchise agreement they didn’t own, but they also then scarpered to America where they made it quite clear that they were “persecuted” in their Silver Lakes mansion and duly escaped to California.
QR codes from the sky
There they decided to liberate a self service check out of Prosecco and sparkling water. They stole booze and water guys. Clearly they forgot that Cally is not South Africa, and they promptly arrested. They were arrested by ICE and Peet’s is kamstig in Alligator Alcatraz, while Mel puts on an orange overall. Couldn’t have happened to nicer people.
Talking about rules in America. It’s been a week hasn’t it? Trump was furious that Israel attacked South Pars gas field. And Trump warned Iran would suffer the consequences if it happened again. What? I know! I just read the news guys.
The onslaught on Lebanon (the land of my father’s father) has been brutally attacked. Israel bombed entire hotels and residential buildings. Millions are displaced via pamphlets from the sky with a QR code that says: LEAVE YOUR HOME NOW.
Imagine it: Some foreign country drops a bit of paper from the sky and with that you have to pack up only who and what you can carry and where are you going to? I can’t with this regime. The internet is fuelled by rumours that the double B is kaputsky. But every day and sometimes multiple times a day AI slop comes out of the Israeli media houses and the whole internet has become Snopes.
Debunking videos
We debunk every single video, even the one last night where he was apparently live in front of the press. That’s how badly we want this war over, but this guy is always the #LastManStanding. He said last night that Jesus Christ (pbuh) would have no advantage against the murderous Genghis Khan – what an insult to Christians (and Muslims). Unfathomable.
This week the murderous regime (Israel and US) assassinated Larijani, the one person who may have been able to salvage the end of the world’s economy as we know it. They killed him. I watched an interview with Araghchi, Iran’s foreign minister. I have to say it when you compare him to Hegseth, Rubio, Trump, even BB – all of them, this guy is mild mannered, unwavering and absolutely terrifying.
He was exceptionally clear: No surrender, the war will be fought until it ends. It’s a war, he said, wars fight to the finish and at the end there is a winner and the entire Middle East and Gulf would change; there is no turning back. There is no surrender or even negotiation. Unless, of course, all Iranian conditions are met for the entire Middle East and Gulf. Which means there’s a winner. #LastManStanding.
Deep breath, some nonsense to fill your brain. I watched the documentary with Louis Theroux, gosh he’s been uncovering baddies for a long time, hasn’t he? Well, this doccie explores incel and misogyny through the lens of Andrew Tate wannabees and it’s revolting.
Cheers, Piers!
It did, however, create a platform for some pratt called HS tikky tokky (yes that’s his name) to appear on the Piers Morgan show. I’m not a Piers fan but I watch the news, so you don’t have to. This oke pulled out pics of Piers’ wife at the pool with a suggestive headline and told Piers his wife was thirsty.
Well, I’m being kind, he said a lot worse than that. Piers walked off the set! Piers wasn’t just touched on his studio, he left it. That’s just ridiculous. Spineless, shut these numptees down. Kick him out. In fact, don’t give him space at all. Urgh, cheers Piers.
There was other news, all of it depressing apart from this: The Nigerian Prime Minister met with King Chucky and they paraded around in a fairytale horse and carriage that looked like it would turn into a pumpkin at midnight. It was funny. There was that and we found Banksy, he’s a GenX, obviously. Has a dad bod and carries the wear and tear like all of us. #LastManStanding
Before I go, where are the #EpsteinFiles? Take the weekend, you need it, I’m under that surface I just scratched. Me, a potato bass and honeycomb moray. Peace, fam.
You’ve scratched the surface of the news with Acumen Media and Tonya Khoury.
