Laduuuma! We will always have sport, even football conspires to love us. What looks like impossible is possible once it’s done. Who said that? I’m sure it was a good man.
With over a million posts and 12 million engagements, our nation was blurry eyed this week as we devoured every second of the joy we desperately needed. #BafanaBafana beat South Korea 1-0 to reach the FIFA World Cup round 32. They are staring at the face of the coveted round 16.
I didn’t believe we’d win, but it seems like millions of us did. Coach Hugo Broos fell to the ground and prostrate, his head touched the earth. I wondered who he thanked or gave gratitude to. It made me cry. The media called it a “Hollywood script” because we have never, in the history of our country, made it to round of 32. And now we face Canada in LAX. We’re all happy as Larry (who’s Larry by the way?). Sport, the great unifier.
Springboks beat the Barbarians. And our national pride surged even higher. Unity is possible for 90 minutes (or 80 points). But once the telly is switched off, the live stream ends or the mobile data runs out, South Africa are starving and we are fraught with division. Divisions that fester and ferment resulting in people being burnt alive through vigilante kangaroo courts. That’s the reality of the week ahead. #June30 #ChestPains
Xenophobia, Afrophobia, racism
Xenophobia, Afrophobia call it what you like, it’s racism, right? Hating another human to the point of burning them. We hate them because they have a different passport to ours, isn’t that revolting? And let’s be fair, the majority of South Africans don’t even have passports to compare, but you get it.
I posted a message from the #KathradaFoundation calling our self-passport control equating to the same “dompas” laws we had during apartheid. A few of my readers and some friends disagreed with the Foundation and my endorsement of their message.
People are angry, I get that. And if this is a peaceful March on March, there’s nothing wrong with #June30, but when you pay and bus in Zulu hostel residents, add liquor and cash to an unemployed person, you’ll see tribalism step into the mix, and that is likely to end up like it always does. Chaos and the loss of human life and livelihoods.
Let’s stop evaluate and listen: Humans have been on the move since our ancestors first left Africa. ‘Homo sapiens’ migrated probably a 100 000 years ago. They migrated for many reasons: following herds, fleeing bad climates, seeking resources. Migration isn’t an anomaly; it’s in our DNA. We adapt, mix, compete, and often clash over territory and opportunity.
Not a new story
It’s not a new story but our story comes with a sting in today’s South Africa. Here we are struggling with rocketing unemployment, collapsing infrastructure and potholes you could do swim in, just ask Helen. We are mottled with corruption that makes you beg for mercy and a weak ineffective government bent on self-enrichment without a seconds’ care for our borders with gaping holes.
The poorest of South Africans feel it the hardest in townships and informal settlements. Foreign nationals, mostly Africans, are now a target for deeper failures and a looming election. We cry: ‘Abahambe’. Well-orchestrated with curated posters and a logo to boot, all the 11 languages represented on placards and tee-shirts.
The composed apocalypse is so obvious. Yes, the nefarious ones have picked a grievance that is unattended (one of many). When we felt the crushing gender-based violence messages and the #CweCwe story we didn’t go around beating up all men or even the men that we are suspicious of.
This is different, the message from the funders is clear: make sure it’s black on black and leave the white folk alone. Instigator of the pending insurrection, Ngizwe Mchunu, told a German woman she was “one of us”. This woman referred to herself as German, not South African, even though she said she’d been here for 20 years. If you refer to yourself as German, then you’re an immigrant, aren’t you?
Who is paying?
She probably took a South African’s job in the time she was here, or she hustled and made money from our land. Did he ask to see her ID book? Nope, so at what point in time are you “one of us”? Is the bar 20 years and that you should be white? That should make you uncomfortable, South Africa. #CheckYourBias.
And this poorly named entity called March on March? Who is paying Jacinta Ngobese-Zuma (nog a Zuma?)? She speaks so eloquently and convincingly that you can’t help to but agree with her. When pressed about funding she loses her voice and the chant comes back: #TheyMustGo.
March and March set the deadline of June 30 themselves. Who are they? And what is the consequence if the deadline isn’t met? Are the illegals chucked in chookie? No, it sounds like their fate is more like a death penalty. The debate with one of my friends surrounded what would ‘good deportation looks like” and my answer was it doesn’t look like this cruelty surely. We agreed, I think.
I mean these March on March okes are literally checking documents like they are SAPS officials. And where are the ‘popo’ as #Abahambe echoes in the streets? Well they will be on high alert and apparently that costs R600-million. For a nation who has protest action often you’d think they worked this thing into their budgets wouldn’t you? Not a chance, it costs R660-million for the police to protect us. Read that again.
Bloody chipmunk
Feroz Cichalia is a puppet disguised as a bloody chipmunk. He doesn’t even know a single line item on that six-hundred bar budget. We just released the funding to make June 30 a holiday for some and a funeral for others. Lawlessness solves nothing but the frustration is understandable.
The system has been broken for so long. The privileged floating above it, on a red flying carpets preaching African unity during anti-colonial narratives but when it’s here at home, it’s each man for himself, even at the expense of your brother’s burnt flesh
I’m sick of it! Xenophobia, Afrophobia, Islamophobia, racism, being categorised as left or right, being made to choose as if we are Democrats or Republicans, Conservatives or Labour, ANC vs EFF vs MK vs DA – all equal division. Don’t get me wrong, South Africa has every right to manage inflows and put citizens first. The real test is doing it with rule of law instead of repeating the same blame game or racial score-settling.
Chanting ABAHAMBE might feel cathartic, but it won’t magic away inequality, governance rot, or the deeper prejudice that treats one foreigner as welcome and another as a threat based on their skin or passport colour.
To answer the question about humane deportation, Gift of the Givers, obviously, who else, arranged buses and care packs for the migrants. They delivered dignity and a small meal. Is that so much to ask, South Africa? Be better. Do better South Africa.
What will you choose?
While the nation chooses the good or the bad to focus on this week, whether you’ve debated borders or basked in our sporting glory, if you missed the Madlanga Commission, you missed a bingeworthy set of testimonies. Most riddled with bizarre twists more than even #JonasThePolygamist can handle.
Julius Mkhwanazi faced questions over alleged links to the theft of precious stones worth R15-million. His ex-girlfriend #WitnessK (a police inspector) admitted she was involved and then sung like a canary; hell hath no fury. Julius drank more water in that commission than Nku stuttered. It was riveting..
#Chestpains was trending as a whole bunch of witnesses didn’t turn up to the commission at all. First it was Mike van Wyk, a proper gangster, this guy is seen in videos fanning himself with R100 bricks of cash telling Julius he will be going to Zanzibar soon. It must have got really hot because Michael got terrible chest pains, he has panic attacks, diddums. We all have panic attacks, Mikey, but we don’t steal 700 kgs of coke or meddle in hookey precious stones.
Madlanga, realising the play, hoofed the ball right into the back of the net; he held the testimony without Money Mike. The fastest and most dangerous klap back yet for Madlanga. If witnesses thought would get away with Stalingrad, here they were met by these three stellar judges, and just like me about Afrophobia, Judge Madlanga has had a gut full.
‘Ethical’ hacker
When cyber hacker and quirky glasses nerdy guy, Nku, took the stand, I was quite glued. In a past life I worked in cyber security and IT forensics so when you say “hacker” you have my attention. This guy started off stuttering that he was a “ethical” hacker but by the time the commission was done, we all knew he was part of the thieves that were paid off for the 700kg consignment of stolen coke.
This guy tried to tell Madlanga that he had R64 000 in cash in his car’s centre consul for petty cash this is the same car that he was sitting in watching the scene of the crime. He got hammered. I bet he wishes he had a Malawian passport ,hey? He’s back in court today. Do yourself a favour watch it because it will bring you schadenfreude, in Zulu the word is ghalelah, meaning dribble with satisfaction when the comeuppance is delivered.
The commission had another trippy moment when WhatsApp messages and photos surfaced showing live ostriches or emus (the evidence leader said he’s no zoologist) being transported in a Medicare24 ambulance. Advocate Chaskalson collapsed into a fit of giggles as he recanted this testimony, the room followed suit. Memes and AI generated images flooded social media. #ChestPains and #Emus
The ”guilty’ Cat plea
And then just as we thought the hallucination was over Vusimuzi ‘Cat’ Matlala pleaded guilty to all fraud, corruption and money laundering charges in the R300-million SAPS health tender case linked to his company Medicare24. Apparently he’s proposed a deal: 15 years prison term and he will turn state witness.
Now let me unpack this a bit because it’s confusing me: Cat is one of the big five, but we’ve also learnt he’s a small fish. These animal analogies – Chaskalson is right, we are no zoologists. So Cat pleads guilty without a firm plea bargain in place. He pleads guilty to the lot and says he’ll turn state witness. Understand who he is turning state witness against: Senzo ‘the purse’ Mchunu and we know this because #NhlanhlaMkhwanazi blew the lid off a captured police force.
Now this oke pleads guilty, he offers 15 years. In south Africa you serve half your term and more time is taken off for “good behaviour”, between life and 15 years may sound like a 10-year exchange but the truth is it’s only actually three or four years. And that means this guy is going into high security prison, surrounded by tsotsis and cops when he has just told the whole world he is an impimpi?
He hasn’t had this agreed to by the courts. The judge said he needed the weekend and a bit to think about it, and here’s the nail in the coffin: he’s set for final sentencing on 1 July, the day after we’re burning South Africa down. Tell me I’m a conspiracy theorist. We’re being played: June 30, Cat Matlala, Cyril’s Phala Phala, Elections, call it what you like, it’s a hot mess. And we’re staring at the television screen drinking Zamalek.
Vote and vote well
Come on my country. Show your wrath to who deserves it. You had better vote, man, and you better vote well. This is an activity only for South Africans, so here you get to make your difference. An incumbent ANC or a band aid GNU is not going to cut it. We have to get our act together South Africa. #ChestPains and Emus, really?
I’ve well run out of wordcount so I’m wrapping up South Africa without talking about so many other stories. Please be a good, kind South African, not a law breaker or a trouble maker, just a decent person. Help the migrants on their way and those who are legal welcome them to stay. Do not get played South Africa. Not again.
I wish I had space to cover international news but here are some bullets (pun intended):
- Stammering Starmer resigned, hopefully he’ll go directly to the Hague for war crimes;
- Vance and Rubio were snubbed by Iran on mainstream media. I enjoyed that
- The UN finally declared what Israel did to Gaza’s Palestinians a genocide. We can use the word now chaps, someone tell Helen
- Massive earthquakes in Venezuela
- France confirmed its first Ebola case outside Africa
- Google is now dead, literally overnight we all moved to AI for more robust answers. Unreal how a giant can fall to nothing. Lessons there
- The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool is not reflecting as much as its degenerating faster than Trump’s fake tan
- Acumen Media releases Lumen, a Talkwalker product; it measures and reports on AI among other great things. Stay tuned for more.
That’s it, a massive week for South Africa. Stay at home on the thirtieth and don’t bite in this shame game.
I’m Tonya Khoury and thank you for scratching the surface with me and Acumen Media.
