OPINION: So, the theme running through the August edition of The Media was women. And accordingly, it was only right and proper that I too ventured an opinion on the opposite sex. Harry Herber wonders why men have the gall to believe that they’re the superior sex.
Now, to kick off, I’ve mused about why no magazine on earth would run an edition dedicated to men? Indeed, no-one would start a movement to save the battered men of this world – and we know there are many of them! Really, nobody goes up to a guy on a plane and offers to help him get his hand-luggage into the storage bin. But perhaps that’s because no man boards a plane with hand luggage consisting of a handbag weighing 10kg, an overnight bag the size of a coffin and three bags bearing logos of airport shops (who in God’s name shops at the airport?). Plus there’s the computer bag, three magazines, a hat and a wooden giraffe. And to add insult to injury, when finally settled 20 minutes later loudly bitches about the so-called limited bin space and “Bloody SAA…”
I can already hear the screams of “Crucify the small -dicked bastard!” so let me hastily change tack and look at the reality of women in advertising and the communications world, and plainly put my stake in the ground. Truthfully, I’d rather have one woman available in times of stress than 10 guys. True. But I really couldn’t put my finger on why this is so. I therefore turned to trusty Google, read 20 different articles on the subject, and now believe I can put facts on the table proving female superiority on the one hand, and why they currently form the backbone of the advertising and communication industry in South Africa on the other.
Here are just a few reasons why this industry relies on women
Simply, they’re just smarter than men. Really. Females worldwide have higher IQs than males. I attribute this in the main to women not playing rugby, drinking marginally less, not seeing a burger and chips as a balanced meal and never watching wrestling on TV. In fact the highest IQ ever measured was that of a woman who scored an incredible reading of 228. Now that’s equal to the whole of a sold-out Loftus on a Saturday…
Then there’s the ‘multi’ thing. No, not multiple orgasms, another thing men envy, but multi-tasking. Ninety-nine percent of buyers in this industry are women. They deal with four or five clients simultaneously. It’s no problem juggling rate negotiations and simultaneously emailing, booking, chasing material, phoning and commenting on someone’s ridiculously short dress that really “management should say something about”. (BTW, management invariably is saying something about it!)
Men, unfortunately, just can’t do two things at once. The perfect example? When men take a magazine into the bathroom and shut the door. It takes 25 minutes for them to work out what to do, in what order, and which paper to use for what! And that leads to – while we’re in the loo – another reason women are smarter. You can toilet train them. Think about it, women can aim. Without being able to see! Men can see, hold and direct. So why is it that men pee on the seat!?
I know we men believe that we’re physically stronger, more adept, and can at least master physical challenges better than women. Well, it’s just not true. C’mon guys! Admit you’ve all tried to walk in a pair of high heels. And it’s just bloody impossible. Yet every woman can do it without any practise! Plus to our absolute chagrin, tell me how it’s possible to sit down in a skirt measuring four inches long and never ever give a glimpse of underwear. Don’t pretend you’ve never noticed. No, sorry, physically too, women can match men any day of the week.
The final evidence that shows just how smart women are is how they can cut men out of the conversation with a language all of their own. Who in hell really knows what a JT is? Or a window treatment? HRT? A wedge heel? A bob cut? What do they mean when they say it’s “fine”? Or when they ask you which shoe looks better with the outfit? They always wear the one you didn’t suggest anyway.
I think it’s clear that this column has been written by someone belonging to the inferior sex. The one in second place. Finally, to all the women in this great communication industry, I salute your superiority. To all the ignorant blokes out there I ask you, did you even know there was such a thing as a “vagina steam”?
This story was first published in the August 2015 issue of The Media magazine.
