#AndyWarhol (pop artist) is famous for saying, “Everyone has at least 15 minutes of fame”. #Barnes from the NFP had his 15 minutes yesterday. The whole of KwaZulu-Natal was holding its breath as he announced that the National Freedom Party (who had one seat in KwaZulu-Natal) would side with the #GNU.
And just like that, KZN was zikked from the #MKParty’s back pocket. We are still holding our breath. We’re about to turn blue. What does this mean?
I’m Tonya Khoury and this has been one tumultuous week of media mayhem, hasn’t it? Come with me, into the media trees and let’s scratch the hide of the wobbly #GNU that stands before us.
As a media monitor, you have to feel for me, because it felt like Zuma was president again… one press conference after another after another. And yesterday just evolved into a microphone relay between politicians. #15Minutes and #DroppedMics.
Picture it, last night I had Twitter/X on my phone, a live feed on my laptop, the television on whoever had the mic next, and it was way past my bed time. It felt a lot like Zuma was back; I expected to wake up at midnight to the sound of reshuffling.
Pot and kettle, Lindiwe?
First and foremost, Lindiwe #Medusa Sisulu was back on our screens saying that a GNU (Government of National Unity) with the DA was a betrayal to the country’s past. That’s a pot and a kettle right there. She’s looted the boot of this country for far too long; go join uBaba, wena Lindiwe. We don’t care. #15Minutes.
#Zuma’s crew (well at least I think it’s Zuma’s crew, he’s not the leader remember), MK Party, put up a serious legal fight to stop the sitting of Parliament today. They took the case to #Concourt. They lost. It’s funny because #Zuma refused to go to #Concourt and refused their rulings in the past, citing that they are too inept to try him, but this week MK made it clear that #Concourt was a very valid court. #DoubleSpeak. #DropMic.
So after all this talk of boycotting #Parly what what, MK will be sitting in Parly today. That’s even funnier because when they sent a mail to Parliament saying that they won’t be attending. Parliament cancelled all their flights and accommodation, saying that it is pleased that there would be no fruitless and wasteful expenditure. So I guess you could say that #Concourt told MK to take a hike. #DropMic.
Let’s be clear for those in the back. The party that ruled KwaZulu-Natal by a landslide, lost KwaZulu-Natal. And the party who was going to boycott Parliament because it alleged the ballots were rigged, will in fact be in Parliament today. You got that? Will #Zuma actually turn up? I don’t know, but if he does, where will he sit? In an ANC or in an MK seat? #ListenProperly. #GroundHogDay #ZumaReturns.
And spare a thought for MK founder #JabulaniKhumalo. He was ousted completely yesterday as his #HighCourtApplication was rejected as #NotUrgent. That’s the trick with law, you must use the right words … maybe uDali could have helped; wait, no that won’t work. #FifteenMinutesAreUp.
Wide-eyed Juju
Enter the #EFFPresser (this is all yesterday, my good people), enter wide-eyed Julius. He was furious; remember he told us that the #EFF would not join in a GNU that held colonial and #Oppenheimer interests. He said it was counter-revolutionary and if this was the death of the #EFF, so be it.
He made it abundantly clear that there was only one way and that was #MK. He said KwaZulu-Natal belongs to #MK and the Oppenheimer’s have stolen it already.
I quote: “If MK Party is not given control of KwaZulu-Natal that will be a provocation to the people of KwaZulu-Natal. We can’t blame them if they react. If the MKP is not in charge, that undermines the direction people of KZN have given”.
At this point I’d assumed crash position and wrapped my arms around my head. He didn’t stop there: he went on to say that if the ANC is really removing EFF’s MMC #Dunga from Ekurhuleni then he would remove all his MMCs from the region. He insisted on #Dunga’s reinstatement by the end of today. Waiting for oxygen to drop from above my head. Anyone?
It’s a big day today. Are you okay? Of course you are, grab your popcorn because #Netflix can’t compete with the parliamentary sitting and voting we are going to see today. It starts at 10am and we will witness people vote for a President, a Deputy and a Speaker. Rumour has it that Ramaphosa will stay as prez. I can’t believe I’m okay with that!
Minister of Alles
Right, where were we. Oh yes, Juju bleated after #Barnes dropped mic. Enter Minister of Alles, #FikileMbalula. He’s come a long way, our minister fear FO, and I must say, even I was impressed by his eloquence behind that mic. He said it was not the time for “arrogance and tantrums”.
He said that the people had spoken and it is obvious that the ANC needed to hold hands with all other parties. He mentioned IFP, UDM, Al-Jummah, Rise, DA, FF+, PA and NCC (?). What he didn’t mention is that the DA refuses to work with #MK, #EFF or Gayton MacKenzie’s Patriotic Alliance. He also left out that Action SA’s Herman Mashaba will not be talking to the DA at all, ever, period.
So even though he held that press conference together pretty well, he also underestimated our ability to read the room.
I watched a social media commentator saying how impossible this GNU of ours is. He said that this week the DA were fighting about BEE in courts and said they wanted to remove minimum wage, where the ANC and the IFP are on a completely different page. That’s just one instance he spoke about; he cited other examples about mining and banking and basically there is not a great deal of common ground for this GNU to build on at all.
I had been eyeing Cupcake during this whole 15 minutes of fame scramble, and he is silent assassin, isn’t he? Apparently, I’ve heard in social media corridors, that he and #UncleGwede have been nose-to-nose. What a thought, hey? Bheki and Gwede? Just wow. They get a great deal more than 15 minutes, let me tell you!
Gangsters catching gangsters?
I also watched an interview with Gayton; you know I’m not a big fan, but he said that he wanted to be the head of SAPS! I can get behind a gangster catching gangsters. Oh wait, wasn’t Bheki a gangster for real? Regardless, he has hung up his hat so the position is vacant. What an end of an era of tyranny. If we’ve gained one thing from this crazy coalition country, it’s the end of #BhekiTheHat.
So, while you were wrapped up in your blankie watching Parly, there was one headline that should have blown up all this political rhetoric but it was hushed across media. Gauteng has no water. I read this and I couldn’t believe it was not the leading story across all platforms. Was it true?
I called my Jozi crew to ask if they had water and there was a resounding “NO” from my team. I was then given water schedules for Ekurhuleni that made my eyes tear up, pardon the pun. Hours and hours of cuts for the entire month of July. In some instances, towns will be formally without water for almost 80 hours.
Why aren’t we marching to the same Parliament that is playing blind man’s bluff and pin the tail on the pinata? Why do we even care about the GNU if we have no water. And what of electricity, I hear you say? Well, now we have #loadreduction schedules out, not to be confused with #loadshedding or #powercuts or #blackouts, just a load reduction.
Please get out of my car. #Khayelitsha has no water and no electricity. The storm damage across our country is going to cost R1.3bn. Gift of the Givers are calling for donations – please rise my South Africa. They need us.
Enough politrix
There’s so much politrix that I’ve left out, like #Winde being sworn in as #WCPremier and #PanyasaLesufi making the parliamentary cut. I could tell you about the number of resignations in government and the culling of mayors but you’ve got enough to deal with. I could tell you the EFF are no longer allowed to disrupt Parly, but that would only depress you.
Maybe if I tell you that the flu you are all carting to your sofa for the long weekend isn’t half the problem: we have a hectic virus called #MPox, which has already claimed four victims. Are you hiding under the bed? No man, don’t be like that, this is South Africa, it takes far more than that to kill us off.
I’ve long made my threshold of words so let’s sum up. #ThaboBester is still whinging and major newspapers like the #DailySun will stop printing as South Africa truly moves to digital. I’m happy about that. No more inky fingers from chopping up newspapers.
But there’s a big piece of me that misses the spider presses and the broadsheets making their way across the country. I feel a bit old to be honest. I’ve spent a great deal of my career in printing press rooms.
Let’s end SA on a high: #BafanaBafana are on track to qualify for the World Cup. Proteas are smashing it, and if you like tennis (I don’t do sport), you’ve been glued to your TV for a different purpose.
And the rest of the world?
Local neighbour #Malawi suffered a massive tragedy as the plane carrying the vice-president, Chilima, and nine other occupants, crashed in a reserve. What’s up with these devastating VIP plane crashes?
#HunterBiden got done for an illegal weapon and cocaine, giving the term #MarchingPowder a new meme. Will he go to jail? Daddy said he’s not bailing him out because … four more years – blah! I really don’t care.
There was a ceasefire deal on the table by the USA. It was accepted by #Hamas, but not by #Israel and the onslaught of #Rafah continues. #Hezbollah have been attacking #Israel all week. Sudan is starving. The #DRC is a slaughterhouse and #G7 lent $50bn to Ukraine. And then this: Rupert Murdoch married at 97. I’m just leaving that there. Fifteen minutes anyone?
Let’s end on a high like we should. The #ComradesMarathon keeps South Africans together each year. Here in little old Sodwana Bay we had several locals join the race and all finished with broad smiles. Congrats to you guys, you’re legends, that’s the truth. It doesn’t matter the adversity, hard work, tenacity and a broad South African smile will cure all ills, including politrix.
I’m Tonya Khoury and I insist on behalf of Acumen Media, that you take a long weekend after you’ve watched the show.
