A seven-day Acumen Media Report by Tonya Khoury.
American: Are there tigers in the streets of Johannesburg?
South African: Um, well yes, sir, yes there are.
#Sheba the tiger escaped her owner and for a few days she roamed the valleys of Walkerville. For a few days she was free, for a few days she was wild. She made headlines across the world and for the first time, in history, the Americans were right. #TigerQueen
It’s time to claw the surface with Acumen Media. We read the news so you don’t have to. These weekly ramblings are where I find my sanity after reading the news and social media posts all day, every day. This report keeps me sane and to be fair, it isn’t difficult to make fun of South Africa, but it is difficult to feel cheerful after the death of our tiger. I say “our” because South Africa had all sorts of emotions about our roaming kitty. She was nicknamed #JungleOats (a home staple from #TigerBrands) and #IStandWithSheba, #GoSheba became trends and there were a bunch of memes that kept us laughing as the residents of Walkerville were terrified.
The fear was amplified by living in darkness most of the week. It’s always a bit scarier in the dark, isn’t it? Scarier when you can’t see. Sheba, our endangered tiger, makes a great South African analogy for Eskom. Feared in the day and night, a horror story, where we all would like a happy ending, and of course we don’t get one. They shot #Sheba.
I know you’re going to say they euthanized her but please think: if they could have euthanized her they would have been close enough to put a dart in the cat and they didn’t. They didn’t tranquilise the endangered kitty and send her to a rehabilitation centre in Asia. That would make us happy. Ain’t nobody got time for that. So the cables, diesel and electricity of #Eskom were taken and now we lost our #ShebaTheTiger too. I cannot explain my fury, well I can, ferocious as a tiger I was, unreasonably angry some may say. Even #Rasta’s painting of #JungleOats didn’t cheer me up. We could have done better. The person who bought and owned an endangered animal as a pet in a climate that doesn’t suit it should be behind bars. A bit like #JoeExotic, the #TigerKing. But nah, this is a South African story.
She kept our attention though with almost 200 000 engagements and the sentiment chart showing a massive dip to negative the moment we heard she was killed and we remained there. Seems I’m not alone in my sadness and anger. #RIPSheba, our #JungleOats, you took our attention and our hearts. See here, pitbulls or tigers, we don’t care here, we just snuff them out because we humans know better. Just look at #Eskom, they massacred chickens, 40 000 of them. Can someone euthanize this story.
Let’s first check in with our Prez as I left you on a cliff hanger last week. He had a good start to the week, that interdict was granted and #Dali was schooled by #Sutherland; don’t worry there’s an appeal, keep reading. #UncleCyril didn’t go to the #WEF because he said he had an electricity crisis to deal with, most people said he’d made wild promises last time, like we all have wings, and we all can fly, and tigers roam the streets of Johannesburg. I thought he’d go and get more cash; to be honest, I was a little proud when he stayed for us instead.
But yeah, the earlier explanation makes a great deal of sense because he hasn’t addressed the electricity crisis. It’s no longer a crisis #PresidentRamaphosa, it’s untenable and it’s breaking the purse you politicians keep digging into. This free for politicians ATM is broken now and we are fast making our own arrangements thanks very much. Soon we won’t pay anything at all. Well we’re doing that now but you know what I mean.
Grab your corner and get on with it
I read an amazing #ActiveLetter to South Africa by Mike Sharman. He calls “open letters” lame. His words are bang on. Come on South Africa, grab your corner and get on with it, harness the sun and fix your street. That’s all it takes. I know it sounds trite but rise from the ground up. No not like that, no looting or burning mayor’s houses. Just rise and fix. Escape this political enclosure and reach for your neighbour. Put your noggins together and fix your street. The #Eskom narrative is so blatant, we are being groomed as if we were in an abusive relationship. (Well, we are, but that’s another story).
You see we have forgotten how enraged we were with #Stage1 and 2. This week we were happy with #Stage4 because #Stage6 punched us so hard we were cast to our knees. During our #Stage6 meltdown, the sun taunted with a heatwave, as if to say DUH! #GroomedNation. Here’s something funny though, have you ever asked yourself why we have never had #Stage 3 or #Stage5? Is there a bias against odd numbers?
#Eskom have been busy though; there was a blitz on late payers and some people threw tantrums and a hotel had its db broad completely switched off after an unsettled R2-million rand bill. That must have been fun for the tourists. Churches and even consulates had their lights turned off but why wait so long? I think they finally hired a debt collection agency, because this is a busy set of heavies roaming these streets. Not quite a tiger though.
Tigers need to eat, right?
Mining activists want to shut down Richards Bay because of the coal being exported to Europe. Their thought process is that we can no longer be powerless at the expense of other countries. I don’t think we should shut it down, just take the coal to #Eskom and make them use it, or better still, and I’ve said this before, #TakeBackEskom, just kick the whole lot out and send in those that can do the job.
And then there was this: #Zuma was back in court about Ramaphosa, the matter postponed (another great South African word) until May and I swear the only reason it was even on our TV screens was because the woman who I was besotted with, #Mshololo, sat right next to Zuma as his council. #Mshololo was the tiger of a woman who gave us hope in the #SenzoMeyiwa case. She is the one who called all Senzo’s friends complicit in his murder. And there she was, our #TigressOfSenzo, sitting next to #uBaba. I suppose tigers need to eat, right?
I’m also happy to tell you, that apart from a nap, #Zuma looked fit – ha, another great analogy, the prosecution rests. The judge pointed out that there’s #Covid about, and perhaps the team and gallery were sitting a little close, he failed to add “next to a terminally ill man”. It was all giggles after that. Giggles and shiny photos of Zuma and his team, a big fuss about the judge’s red robes, apparently means this was a criminal case. Yawn. By the time I’d wasted that hour of my life I wanted to join #Sheba. Earlier in the week #PresidentRamaphosa won that interdict we had a sinking feeling about. So, of course, more court appearances are due. Don’t watch this space, it’s a waste of your precious time, I’ll do it for you.
I found a weird post on my travels through the media mayhem. Duduzile Zuma (daughter of our ex Prez) wrote this: “My brother Julius Malema. When you become president next year, do you expect me to call you HE President Julius Malema or can I still call you J.” She’s also changed her bio pic to #WeSeeYou the slogan of the insurrection. Things are going well at the #RET camp apparently.
There was the #BackToSchool show reel across social and #MatricResults featured across most of mainstream media. Angie #Motshekga says they aced it. I’ll wait for the analysts to unpack what that means; did they D or E it? Or really aced it? There were some incredible matriculants, though, and kudos #Classof2022. What adversity you endured. Tigers every one of you!
Back to our streets and #Parys was headlines as riots turned to the Mayor’s house and set it ablaze; yip we are there folks, we’re going to be swimming in the President’s pool next.
Water shedding protests, loadshedding protests and many of us putting our heads to good work, let’s fix this. We don’t need politics, we would have done a better job with #Sheba, we’ll do a better job here.
In #JoburgCBD, a foreign national was assaulted and killed by police. The place became a warzone of rubber bullets and rocks. Apparently, the Tanzanian man was a drug dealer, the police say he swallowed his wares and that’s why he died. Many called for the #EFF to intervene; they didn’t.
There was call for a #NationalShutdown, stop boring us and get on with it. We’ve been shut down for three years at least. We want to work, we want our quality of life, we deserve it and we will have it. Regardless of your political killings, your theft on Charlotte #Maxeke Hospital and the diesel you keep stealing from #Eskom. We’ve seen it all and we have jungle oats in all of us. We really can do this.
If there’s one international story, that’s more than enough right, well it’s a biggie. #Jacinda #Arden said she “no longer has enough in the tank” and told us to “be your own kind of leader – one who knows when it’s time to go”. Yeah, they don’t make them like you ma’am, a proper tiger.
I’m Tonya Khoury and thank you for scratching the surface with Acumen Media.
